Thursday, June 15, 2006

Is This Porn, Or The Weather Channel?

I think Maxim Magazine is the most juvenile publication out there.

It is aesthetically appealing, I suppose, because it’s pages are graced with bony models slipping out of their underwear.

But the editorial content in the magazine rivals the Weekly Reader I was forced to read in 3rd grade.

The articles largely revolve around manipulating your girlfriend.

Some examples are, “How to get your girlfriend to have a three-way” or “How to convince your girlfriend into watching porn with you” or “How to watch the big game on the night of your 2-year anniversary.”

Maxim basically just feeds the worst appetites of men. And tons of dudes love it. Not me.

I don’t like Maxim girls. I don’t even like Playboy girls. How could I?

I’ve already given my heart away … to The Weather Channel Girls.

You see, it doesn't take great vision to ogle Shakira's ass or Carmen Electra’s tits. Their sexuality is obvious. You have to look well beyond the fire light to capture the beauty of TWC Girls.

When I watch Kristina Abernathy describe how the unusually northern flow of the jet stream is going to bring lake effect snow to areas of Buffalo … something inside me feels alive.

The Weather Channel is unquestionably the hub for hot women. In terms of variety … it is second to none.

It starts with Alexandra Steele, co-host of “Evening Edition.” If I have to choose between watching Sharon Stone ride Michael Douglas over on HBO or Steele’s Weekend Planner on TWC, I go with Steele 10 times out of 10.

Steele has stunning facial features and resembles the hot soccer mom in your neighborhood. Her signature wardrobe is a tight silk top, and often times, it looks like a slick janitor (or savvy producer) has turned up the AC in the building.

For those into younger, curvier women, look no further than Stephanie Abrams, a former Hollywood of the East Coast resident. Abrams' breakthrough performance came during Hurricane Season 2005.

Abrams, a staple on TWC’s roster of reporters in the field, was frequently seen being hammered by 80-m.p.h. winds and pelted with rain while wearing the tightest t-shirt I have ever seen. Instantly, the barometric pressure began rising in thousands of living rooms across America.

The clincher is that Abrams (and all of the TWC Girls) is articulate, smart and well informed, unlike such television boob-puppets as ESPN's Erin Andrews or CBS' Jill Arrington.

If you’re into exotic women, TWC’s deep roster has you covered. Take a peek at Vivian Brown, a former track standout at Jackson State University. Let's not forget Jennifer Lopez, Kim Perez and Eboni Deon.

All told, these TWC Girls exude sexuality, further evidenced by their porn-star like names. I mean, Alexandra Steele? Are you serious? How about Jennifer Lopez, Betty Davis and Kelly Cass? (For fun: Do a Google search for images of Alexandra Steele and watch the stunning amount of porn appear on your computer).

I know I’m not alone in my obsession of TWC Girls. Has anyone else noticed these women have collectively been pregnant about 328 times over the past five years?

One day, Kristina Abernathy is looking like the money. A few weeks later, she’s carrying a keg in her stomach.

These women are always knocked up. It appears someone is slipping them a stiff one while we’re enjoying some light jazz and watching Local on the 8s.

We’re getting the 7-day forecast, and Jeanneta Jones is getting 7 inches.

I blame Jim Cantore. He looks like a complete womanizer, and I’ve noticed the increased sexual tension building on the set between him and Steele during “Evening Edition.”

There’s no way two attractive people can work with such chemistry on the set and not have that electricity spill over into the bedroom.

It’s only natural, and, of course, weather is all about natural forces.

In many ways, I respect Cantore. I also am fanatical about Dave Schwartz, Mark Mancuso and Jeff Morrow (whom I’ve actually met).

These guys don’t need Maxim. They work with the hottest women in show business.

56 Comments:

At 2:03 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Enjoyed a lot! » »

 
At 10:17 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

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At 5:01 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

The Weather Channel seems to be going in a different direction with its weather girls these days. They're now being tailored to appeal to the stay-at-home moms that are amateur meteorologists during the day, and amateur forensic scientists every Thursday night. Every single one of them with the exception of the one or two token black women is now bleached blonde, tan-boothed, and hairsprayed to the hilt. They all look like they decided to join TWC after a bout of empty nest syndrome and a few months at some online college for meteorology. Maybe they're trying to go for the MILF factor and just failing horribly. It's sometimes hard to tell if I'm watching TWC or The View.

As for them being preggers, I don't think it's Cantore. I think it's that other guy.. the one that's always in pink, calling the audience "my friend," and generally coming off like a greasy used-car salesman. I forget his name simply because I always refer to him as "the schmuck."

While TWC may not have revolutionized any of the meteorological technology, I do think they've found the secret to human cloning and used that science to staff their weather girls harem.

 
At 8:27 AM, Anonymous wishbone said...

Great article! I work at night and I've been watching Kim Perez for years! She's beautiful ... and it's fun to watch someone who is doing what they love the most ... she just loves to talk about the weather! And she knows what she's talking about ... "You, guys!" ;)

Low marks for her recent hairdo change, though.

Glad I found your site. Um ... I was searching for Kim Perez photos on Google.

~ wishbone

 
At 11:24 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

You've read my mind. Who needs Maxim Magazine or any other magazine targeted for us men when TWC is full of beautiful, professional women.

 
At 7:59 PM, Blogger cavalier said...

You forgot Cheryl Lemke and Nicole Mitchell!

 
At 6:34 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

CNN has hotter women.

 
At 5:08 PM, Anonymous cavalier said...

Did anyone see Stephanine Abrams Friday night? Can you say CLEAVAGE? It was all I could do to NOT drool!

 
At 9:12 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Not even close to porn but more to one writer referencing Alexandra Steele. I agree she is beautiful and hot, however, I have yet to see her legs. She never wears short skirts or dresses. I am not referring to obsenely short but a few inches above the knee would be nice occasionally. Think of how many more viewers she'd get. As a matter of fact I have only seen her wear pants. Always with the pants. Makes me wonder if her legs don't match up to the rest of her.

 
At 9:19 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

If you want to see beautiful professional women check out the Fox cable news throughout the coarse of the day. They are much hotter than any of the girls at TWC and they wear short skirts. Like that other article mentioned, nicely short, not slutty.

 
At 8:44 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

A few months ago, there was some stories about the attitudes of young gay twinks
toward the women who front at the Weather Channel from a woman who
worked there. There was a preference for appearance, for dressing 'sexy'
and acting a certain way.I would note that most of the Weather Channel's
on screen people do have college degrees in meterology or related sciences.
I have a 2nd cousin whom taught meterology for like 28 years at Perdue
University in Indiana, and during a visit to my mom's house (her nephew),
and watching the weather channel to find out the weather for their drive
the next day, one of the women on was a former student of his.
Another hottie on the weather beat include Marisol Castro, who does
the national weather for ABC's network on their weekend Good Morning America.

 
At 5:52 AM, Blogger Bam1time said...

I thought I was the only one noticed those women. I've been watching Vivian Brown for years. You are right. they are always pregnant.

 
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At 10:49 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Kristen Dodd "broad"cast on Sunday, Sept. 14th, 2008 at around 9:00-10:00PM Pacific Standard Time....Ok, did you see her? An orange color top with 3 or 4 large buttons in front, the 2nd from the top button was undone and when she profiled sideways to the camera to point to the map, her braless breasts were partially visible. You could clearly see a black cable flexing inside her blouse and I thought I was seeing things...AND I WAS! You could not see her nipples, but it was what might pass for high fashion at the Oscar awards!
The telecast broke for commercials a couple of times and I thought for sure she'd be buttoned up when the show resumed, but nope, there they were, drooping mammaries, cleavage to the bottom of both of her lovelies, quite nice really!

Sharon Resultan is the female bomb however, always pregnant, always beautiful, very sexy but not a trampy type. I'll bet her stretch marks are even sexy!

 
At 12:04 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hope you delete the links to the porn site on this page, there's no text, no intelligence, just links to homo porn, thought one might link to Kristen Dodd's panty drawer...but only dude on dude poop!
Hell yes these Weather Channel girls are always pregnant, I can see why too!
I guess these gals are under a lot of pressure to show some stuff, but Cheryl Lemke, the ultimate girl-next-door is just great in modest attire, gotta love her too.
They need to mix it up a bit with some different ethnicities as long as they're not overboard with it, I mean the snotty types.
Oh, was I watching this channel to find out what the weather will be?

 
At 12:58 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Anyone who uses the term "schmuck" is obviously a jew. Its so easy to pick you yankee queers out.

 
At 5:49 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Go back to your hole in the ground
you jew hater and racist. The majority
of the country won't put up with this
kind of talk and BS anymore. This is
a new America, wake up and smell the coffee!
No matter what you say, even The South
has changed. Go back to sleep and
enjoy your self loathing dreams.

 
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