Would Dylan McKay Eat Sushi?

Remember the Beverly Hills 90210 episode where Donna Martin nearly drown when Dylan McKay snorted some coke and accidently knocked her into a swimming pool?

Well, you should.

The lesson I took from that episode was that snorting blow is wrong (later in life, I would learn that this was just network television propaganda and I would learn to judge those who did drugs on a persont-by-person basis).

However, what we, as young teenagers, also learned in that episode is that those who did drugs were viewed by those who didn't as having major personality flaws.

Now we're all much older. We've matriculated from 90210 to The O.C. It's the new millenium. Doing drugs no longer makes you cool and mysterious, as it did in the 90s.

Instead, there's a new subculture of cool. A new underground group of hipsters. They don't smoke pot, drop acid or snort coke.

They eat sushi.

Sushi is the drug of the new millenium. The 6-foot bong has been replaced by Futomaki. Pass the wasabi.

Let's face it, if you don't eat sushi, you can't hang out with people who do. Sushi eaters hate you and secretly wish you would leave.

Not eating sushi is kind of like being the really sober guy who hangs out on the couch as everyone else takes bong licks and listens to Phish for two consecutive hours. He understands the dance, but can't hear the song.

I have no problem with sushi. If people want to eat a tray of something resembling an autopsy of the lower intestine, that's their business.

However, I have a major problem with the Holier Than Thou attitude of sushi eaters.

If you don't eat sushi, you are judged by those who do as having a major personality flaw. Of course, this is done by women, the professionals of personality judgment.

In the last year, I've had three conversations with different women that went like this:

JANE DOE: "Do you eat sushi?"

ME: "No, I don't."

JANE DOE: "You Don't! ... What?"

Immediately there is a clear division, a distance between us. She will stand back, stare and express an overall disaproval that is absolute and steadfast.

I mean, it's not as if I told her my hobby was burrying cats and running over their heads with a lawnmower. But the reaction is the same.

What?

If these women ever had any intention of slepping with me or - God forbid - wanting to marry me, the thought has been disolved due to my distaste for uncooked fish wrapped in seaweed.

I live in a trendy town (The Hollywood of the East Coast). I live near a trendy sushi restaurant. And each day I see large groups of woman filing in. They're wearing their best shoes. They are drawn more toward the glamour than the food. It's a vain attempt to live their own little Sex & The City lifestyle.

Then I think about the ultimate symbol of cool: Dylan McKay. Would Dylan McKay eat sushi? Absolutely not. However, you can bet your ass he would mysteriously show up to the after party.